Grateful Mondays

5 things I'm grateful for today:

1.) Crazy 5K races with crazy friends. I love Austin, but I love my friends even more. :)

2.) The American track and field Olympic trials. 

3.) Swimming breakthroughs.

4.) God's amazing grace. 

5.) This little gem of a poem right here. 

Did you know that the practice of gratitude makes you happier and healthier? It's by design. What are you grateful for today?

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever. ~ Psalm 107:1

Grateful Mondays

5 things I'm grateful for today:

1.) Inspiring movies like Happy.  

2.) Air-conditioning on hot summer days.

3.) Sweet and delicious home-grown tomatoes.

4.) The love of my husband.

5.) Spin class this morning at the Y. It kicked my glutes.(:




Did you know that the practice of gratitude makes you happier and healthier? It's by design. What are you grateful for today?




Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever. ~ Psalm 107:1

Bucket List (Part I)

Notre Dame: crossed off my list last March

I've been keeping a small, mental "bucket list" before I even knew what to call it. Childhood history nerd that I was, most of the items I added to my early list were historical things to see, like:  Pompeii, the treasures of King Tut's tomb, and Ford's Theater (check, check, and check). As I've grown older, the list has expanded to all sorts of categories - fitness, spiritual, vocational, mental, etc. Although my list has grown, changed, and matured, my love of keeping a bucket list is still going strong.

If you're into creating bucket lists, I've come across some interesting blogs and websites on the topic that you might want to check out. This bucket list blogger gives helpful tips on starting your own list. I think 'thinking outside the box' is my favorite piece of advice. And mah voyeuristic self loves looking over his own list, too. Here's a website where you can publish your list if you want accountability, don't care to blog it, and want to have 3 million of your closest friends to cheer you on. The bucket list of this 16 year old girl with terminal cancer wins the "Most Deserving" award, and I'm inspired by some of the quirky prospects this guy has on his list. (Playing in the Rock, Paper, Scissors championships? How fun is that?!)

Here are some things *I* try to keep in mind when I'm making my list:

1.) Keep it active. My list is never meant to be definitive or complete. It's okay to add, erase, and alter. Life changes, goals change, and goodness knows I change. Go with the floooooow.

2.) Make the list my friend. This is not school, and I never want to let it get me down. If I never accomplish or become some of the items on my list, that's okaaaaay. Good gravy, it's better to make a list and work towards something than to never make a list at all. I need to remind myself of that.

3.) Make it ME. Wow, this is a big one. I don't care to skydive. Even though I think I read this on a million people's lists, it's just not one of my goals.  So be inspired, but don't not be you. Oh, and don't use double negatives. 

4.) Let it scare me. I purposefully choose a couple things that rattle my core. You know those things that seem crazy, but you deeply and secretly long to do?  I list 'em. Yeah, perhaps that's not just me nudging my oh-so-awesome micro-fine gel pen towards them in my handy-dandy-Moleskine.

5.) Search all aspects of life. I love to travel, but there are far, far more things to add to my list than just travel. I try to think of at 3 things to list from various areas of my life. It rounds me out.

6.) Never let age define the list. I'm trying to learn things at 42 (hello, swimming and cycling) that many learn at earlier ages. I try to push age aside and forge ahead on goals. As Mark Twain says, "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Amen. 

And, without further ado, here's the first installation of bucket list items I've been writing in my (beloved) Moleskine. (So sorry, did I just mention Moleskine again? ;-)) I'm not numbering them, because there is no set number and there never will be.

- Swim 800m in open water (without holding on to anything, I guess I should add) - I have the buoyancy of a lead anvil and a deep-seated fear of putting my head under water and not touching ground. (I love the ground, you see. It makes me very happy. Freud would have a heyday.) You guys who can swim forever absolutely amaze me. This is, honestly, the bucket list item that I most fear will never happen. "Fear" is the operative word in every respect of this list item.

- Go to the Olympics - I'd prefer summer (because track and field is my love, go Usain and Kara Goucher), but I'd take watching the winter Olympics in person in a heartbeat. This has been a dream for decades.


- Get a tattoo. Sho' did -- last week! And if another person tells me I don't seem like the type to get a tattoo, I'll get a third. (Oops, Mom, did you see that? I actually have two. I know you still love me. :-))


- Work in the fitness industry. I don't know how, and I don't know where.  It's just something I know I love participating in, and I'd enjoy helping others gain strength and confidence through exercise.


- Hand-make every Christmas gift - This isn't so much about about frugality as it is about putting my heart and time into every gift. I'm not on a good trajectory for finishing that by this Christmas. Lord willing, I'll have more Christmases to try.

- Blog more - You know you enjoy something if it doesn't matter whether anyone knows about it or not. Writing is that way for me. (Go, introverts. :-)) I simply enjoy it, and I'm fulfilled by it.

So, there you have it. What are some of your bucket list items? I'd love to know!





Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.   ~ Mark Twain

For Sheila

Almost every significant person in my life has shared a word with me at some point that has been like a ray of heaven breaking through clouds. Their words, whether they realized it or not, were the perfect advice, encouragement, or kick in the rear I needed.  These stored sound bytes are like apples of gold in my memory.

My sister-in-law, Sheila, was one such person who left an indelible word for my life. She passed away last week after a long battle with cancer, and she was one of the sweetest women I have ever met.  Her smile was infectious.  I can close my eyes and hear her laughing. However, there was no doubt she was going through a lot of stresses and struggles a few years ago when she told me, "It's been really rough lately, but I'm trying to remember to guard my heart and not let the root of bitterness get in."

And like that her words became seared in memory. Guard my heart. Proverbs 4:23.  I knew that verse, but hearing it again was so very aptly timed.  Whether Sheila knew it or not, that's just what I needed for just that season and in just that way.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I have had a very large struggle with my faith in the past few years.  So much so, I questioned whether I even believed in God. I can't quite convey what it's like to go from belief to the edge of unbelief, but it's akin to teetering on the precipice of a monster black hole inside a monster galaxy inside a universe. It's beyond lonely, and I did not like it, not one little bit. But my mind kept circling there on that precipice with great wings of disappointment, disillusionment, and disgust.  During that time (a few years?), I rarely ever prayed.  I just couldn't get it out. On the few occasions I did, I prayed only two things: Lord sustain me through this and please help me guard my heart. Sheila's words from God, and that's it.

God is merciful. Slowly, but surely, the acorn buried deep in the snow, took root and began to grow.  Even now it's scarcely a seedling, but it rejoices in the spring because it knows winter. I don't ever want to return to that precipice, but I'm grateful beyond measure that I was there.  And I'm grateful beyond measure for a beautiful sister-in-law who became my conduit to God.

Yes, this is a quasi-running blog.  A marathon preparation blog at that. Since the moment I began training, I knew I wanted to dedicate my 26.2 mile race to Sheila. Every time I pulled out of my driveway at 6:25 on some cold Saturday morning for my long run, I thought of her. Every mile of aching injury I'd feel, I'd be reminded of her painful struggle with cancer. To the end, she fought the good fight, she saw the prize set before her, and she finished her race.  She won. A marathon is the representation of life. I have such peace that I'm truly living life as me, and I believe Sheila did too.  And that's contentment right there.

I run because I'm happy,
I run because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, 
And I know He watches me.

 I try to remember that passion looks like craziness to those who don't share it.  ~ Jan Stuckey (my mom)

Hope

Poppies have hope.  They're my favorite flower. 

Unbeknownst to the 2 people reading this blog, I have had 3 versions of this post before I wrote this one. Sometimes (okay, often) a little time is a good thing.  It gives me a better perspective.

I have developed a piriformis injury ('pain in the butt' is apropos) in my right hip that is not going away.  It really hurts when I run. Especially when I run sprints and hills.  And that's not such good news for training and, you know, running a little thing called a M A R A T H O N.

Originally I was thinking this post would be kind of Job-esque.  You can't always figure out suffering, blessing, and the ways of God.  (Shoot, I think I'm 0 for 1,000,000 for figuring out the ways of God.)  You plan and dream for a marathon, pray, and you still get injured.  Life is like that too. So what does that all mean?

This evening I was talking to my beautiful, awesome daughter and advising her to not give up hope about some things she's struggling with.  Never give up hope, I said.  Just don't do it (contrary to what Nike says).  Choose not to.  And as I was taking a shower this evening, it occurred to me that I needed to take my own advice.

I have hope for this marathon, I really do.  More hope than if I didn't have an injury.

Hope doesn't mean I'm assured my injury will miraculously disappear. Although, if that happens, I won't complain a bit.  It doesn't even mean, and it pains me (literally) to say this, that I'll be able to run the marathon this February.  It means that it will all be okay. In higher ways than I can know now -  it will be okay.  There may be more Februaries in my life to run marathons, or I may be running them on streets of gold sooner than I expected.  Either way I musn't give up hope.

From the American soldier held by the Japanese army in a WWII PoW camp to the 42 year-old mother of two who has a little marathon planned in February... hope is an important belief.  It's the life-giving, all-important assurance that it will be okay.

Hope is my lovely daughter's name.  Yeah, that's not a coincidence.

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

The power of a question

Fortunately, Nutella needs no questions.  Bliss in a jar. :-)

I vividly recall sitting in church about a year ago. I was on a back row by myself (John was playing on the worship team), not in the mood to be around people, dealing with some sort of struggles (who isn't?); and I was feeling mightily annoyed that my husband felt obliged to be there every dadgum Sunday of the year.

Sunshine and light, I was not.

Suddenly a question was posed in my mind:  Are you not fortunate and privileged to worship where, when, and whom you please?

{contemplation, introspection, prayer}

You can imagine how the service ended.  It ended well.

I've been thinking about the power of questions lately and the life-altering usefulness they've served life. Just last night, I was walking dogs with my neighbor, Kris, and we talked about our kids getting older. She has a crazy schedule juggling a full-time job, a 6th grader, a high school senior, and a son in graduate school.  Not to mention trying to train for the Austin Distance Challenge.  She said she asked herself recently, "Will you prefer it when the kids are grown and out of the house?"

I've found questions to be so useful, I've made a conscious decision to try, T-R-Y to use them in circumstances where I find myself feeling burdened, superior, or finger-pointy (which is all too often).  Man, those questions have called me out.

"You think a few B I L L I O N people would like to trade places with you?"

"Under the same circumstances, how would you have behaved?"

"Fallen short much?"

Have questions cured my world-class ability to judge, compare, complain, or wallow? (See, that's a good question.) Um, no. I still fall short, but they help.

People talk about "finding the right answers", but I'd venture to say there's plenty of good to be gleaned from finding the right questions.  If you're like me, I often know the answer; it's the question that I need.

Can I bring this back to running?  I sure can.  Because as I've said before, a marathon is a lot like life. These are the things I have to ask myself on a weekly basis:

"Who's going to train for this race if not you?"

"What is your purpose in training for the marathon?"

"Your hip is hurt, and you're devoid of sleep.  Who wishes they could move their legs and have your problems?"

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ~ Jesus

a mini rant (or is it a rave?)

Every now and then I'm privy to the conversations my 14 year old daughter has with her girlfriends.  I'm shocked I tell you, shocked, to hear how often beautiful young girls bemoan their weight and specific body parts. They want to lose 10 pounds, make their thighs thinner, grow taller (overheard:  "Did you know you can go through some sort of procedure where they break your shin bones and make you taller?").  Perhaps more boys will like them (ugh), and they'll be happier. It breaks my heart.

Barbie blown up to lifesize. Yay for modern women. :-(

I was 14 once, and I understand how a negative body image can become a silent, desperate plight to be 'perfect'. They say men are visual, but good grief, women are too; they just turn it inwards. With the advantage of some a lot of age and hindsight, I believe all of that body image angst is the work of Satan (and yes, I mean what I just wrote). Whether a or woman is 5' 7" and 110 lbs. or 5' 1" and 350 lbs., I want them to know, really know that they're valuable, beautiful, and loved.  (Psalm 139:14)

But I'm frustrated because I don't know how to help this epidemic of female body dysmorphism. I see it all around me and I, of course, am not immune.  Images are everywhere. There's Barbie, mainstream pornography, photoshop, magazine covers at grocery store check-out stands, etc. I don't measure up figuratively or literally. My hunch is you don't either.   

I remember reading a Little House on the Prairie book with my children a few years ago.  I was struck by the thought that Caroline Ingalls was out on a desolate prairie, with her husband, and did not have to be concerned about comparing her body with a female ideal.  There was no 'ideal'.  As desolate as her situation was, it also seemed liberating.  Now THAT'S women's lib, I thought.  Partnering, caring, and comfortable in your own skin.   Because there's nothing to tempt you to think otherwise. Ah, take me to the frontier in Kansas.  

Do I think eating well is good?  Of course.  Do I think exercise gives me more energy, keeps me feeling young(er), clears out my mind?  Yep.  There's a certain value to those things that I don't wish to minimize  -- because they don't have to be mutually exclusive. But do you have to be  crazy "skinny" to be valuable?  Absolutely not.  I really. Truly. Don't give a flip. 

Women, let's not strive to be perfect renditions of the female 'ideal' (who set that up anyway?).  I'd venture to say it's not a healthy focus for weight loss or an exercise regimen either. With confidence I say:  All of my friends and family are BEA-U-TIFUL.  Be healthy! But I don't even know or care what your body looks like. :-)


P.S. My sister-in-law, Sheila, is experiencing excruciating pain right now. Doctors think it's probably cancer in her bones.  I don't know.  I know her heart and it's one of the most beautiful, most honest things I do know.  If you're reading this, please pray for her. 

I had an epiphany a few years ago when I was out at a celebrity party and it suddenly dawned on me that I had yet to meet a celebrity who is as smart and interesting as any of my friends. ~ Moby