You stupid idiot.

No, I'm not talking to you; I'm talking to me. Did you know these are the words I have regularly said to myself? I would never, ever say it to you, and I'd be upset if I heard you say them to someone else. But I have said them regularly to myself. Out loud. It doesn't take much, either. Just a run over the curb or a spill of my drink, and that's what I've said without hesitation.

Usually the person I'm ugliest to is ME. At least 90% of the time. (Okay, my family might find that statistic hard to believe, but they're going to have to trust me. :))

The irony is that I absolutely can't stand to see people bullied or oppressed. My kids know that I will go bat kaka crazy on them if I get a whiff of that kind of behavior going on. Love God, love sushi, be kind to ALL of God's creation -- that's what I desire for them.

But when I've said ugly, disparaging things to myself?  Somehow that didn't count. Why not? There have been countless nights when I've laid my head down and asked for a day's worth of forgiveness, and I've not even considered the nasty things I've said to myself. Along with that, I've neglected to teach my children to be kind to themselves. I just flat out believed I deserved the terrible things I said to myself, and that's how it went.

Where I got this from, I have no idea.  But I'm not writing this post to beat myself up, because that would be kind of ironic (and I could could sooo go there). I write it because I bet there are others out there like me who value kindness, but they don't they believe that kindness needs to be extended to themselves. It does.

I remember hearing that famous Whitney Houston song "The Greatest Love of All" and not completely buying into the lyrics because it said "learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all". No, no, no! Loving God is the greatest love of all, said my holier-than-thou 13 year old self (wait, that description is redundant). Okay, perhaps I was technically right, but God so desperately loves me (ME. Jennifer. ME.), and that's John 3:16. He wanted me to be kind to myself because He created me, and that's a good thing. I was and am no less of God's creation. Here's a truth:  I am kinder to others when I practice kindness to myself.

Parenting gives me a whole new perspective, and that must be part of the reason why God uses the analogy so often in the Bible. When I hear my kids talk badly about themselves, I grieve. Why can't they see themselves as I see them? They're precious gifts from God. Go forth and be what God made you to be, you awesome creation! But it doesn't seem to happen that easily for my kids, and then aha!, I recognize myself in them (but I'm not going to beat myself up over that either. ;)).

(source)

I've come a looong way, baby. I'm not nearly as quick to cut myself down and be the self-inflicted "mean girl" as I used to be. Knowing my worth is not a haughty vice - it's believing I am who God says I am, and that's only a good thing.  So, I've made a promise to be nicer to myself. Will you do me a favor and be nicer to yourself too? It helps the world go 'round -- in a good way. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that both God and I think you're kind of a big, wonderful deal. :)


Comparison is the thief of joy. ~Theodore Roosevelt

a mini rant (or is it a rave?)

Every now and then I'm privy to the conversations my 14 year old daughter has with her girlfriends.  I'm shocked I tell you, shocked, to hear how often beautiful young girls bemoan their weight and specific body parts. They want to lose 10 pounds, make their thighs thinner, grow taller (overheard:  "Did you know you can go through some sort of procedure where they break your shin bones and make you taller?").  Perhaps more boys will like them (ugh), and they'll be happier. It breaks my heart.

Barbie blown up to lifesize. Yay for modern women. :-(

I was 14 once, and I understand how a negative body image can become a silent, desperate plight to be 'perfect'. They say men are visual, but good grief, women are too; they just turn it inwards. With the advantage of some a lot of age and hindsight, I believe all of that body image angst is the work of Satan (and yes, I mean what I just wrote). Whether a or woman is 5' 7" and 110 lbs. or 5' 1" and 350 lbs., I want them to know, really know that they're valuable, beautiful, and loved.  (Psalm 139:14)

But I'm frustrated because I don't know how to help this epidemic of female body dysmorphism. I see it all around me and I, of course, am not immune.  Images are everywhere. There's Barbie, mainstream pornography, photoshop, magazine covers at grocery store check-out stands, etc. I don't measure up figuratively or literally. My hunch is you don't either.   

I remember reading a Little House on the Prairie book with my children a few years ago.  I was struck by the thought that Caroline Ingalls was out on a desolate prairie, with her husband, and did not have to be concerned about comparing her body with a female ideal.  There was no 'ideal'.  As desolate as her situation was, it also seemed liberating.  Now THAT'S women's lib, I thought.  Partnering, caring, and comfortable in your own skin.   Because there's nothing to tempt you to think otherwise. Ah, take me to the frontier in Kansas.  

Do I think eating well is good?  Of course.  Do I think exercise gives me more energy, keeps me feeling young(er), clears out my mind?  Yep.  There's a certain value to those things that I don't wish to minimize  -- because they don't have to be mutually exclusive. But do you have to be  crazy "skinny" to be valuable?  Absolutely not.  I really. Truly. Don't give a flip. 

Women, let's not strive to be perfect renditions of the female 'ideal' (who set that up anyway?).  I'd venture to say it's not a healthy focus for weight loss or an exercise regimen either. With confidence I say:  All of my friends and family are BEA-U-TIFUL.  Be healthy! But I don't even know or care what your body looks like. :-)


P.S. My sister-in-law, Sheila, is experiencing excruciating pain right now. Doctors think it's probably cancer in her bones.  I don't know.  I know her heart and it's one of the most beautiful, most honest things I do know.  If you're reading this, please pray for her. 

I had an epiphany a few years ago when I was out at a celebrity party and it suddenly dawned on me that I had yet to meet a celebrity who is as smart and interesting as any of my friends. ~ Moby