The summer I learned to swim

Y'all. I hesitate to say it, but I think I've learned to swim. No breaststroke, butterfly craziness... just freestyle with the occasional backstroke I'mma-gonna-save-my-life and breathe stuff.

Last April, I looked like this.

Yeah, that was me, in one my earliest attempts to put my head in the water and swim to end of the pool.  I had no reference for how long it took to get to the edge of the pool with fins, and this is what happened. Concrete edge of pool, meet Jennifer. Jennifer, meet concrete edge of pool. Now, let's avoid each other like orange juice with toothpaste, 'k?

My first and only swim lessons took place when I was five. Apart from that, I did NOT live in pools, swim in lakes, frolic in the ocean; and I certainly did not swim on a team. I dipped in some random pool as some teenage social situations necessitated, and I got out. I was never really comfortable in water.

Most of my phobias can be linked to one thread -- claustrophobia. I need to breathe, metaphorically and physically. I don't like covers on my head, being in a small doctor's room with the door shut, or wearing restrictive clothing. I've seen maybe 5 episodes of this television series, but this scene with Carrie in Sex in the City resonates with me a lot. Crazy, crazy head games go on when I feel like I can't breathe. I don't know the root of this phobia, but I do try to over-ride my emotions with my brain. Sometimes it works.

I can get to one end of Barton Springs now, without having to stop. Major change. Can I tell you what a difference five months make? A few months ago, I couldn't go 10 meters without holding on to the side for dear life and breathing like my life was in jeopardy. It honestly felt like it was. I still take what seems like an hour to acclimate to Barton Springs, finally dip my head in its waters, and scope out the journey ahead. And then I go. Ever better, ever onwards. Next week, I hope to go down and back without stopping. 400 bloomin' meters in deep, cold, open water. Hope springs eternal.

I feel like I know God has used my physical journey as a metaphor to teach me about my spiritual journey. I'm thinking He's not picky; He uses any way to get to me. I'd do the same with my kids. The physical is a method used often in the Bible, and there's nothing new there. That he'd use the exercise to reach my previously un-athletic self is the ding-dang absurd thing.

Clearly, irony is one of God's preferred methods. I like that.

I am 42 years old and reporting that I've learned to swim. I feel like Sarah who had Isaac when she was around 90. Okay, maybe it's not B.C. worthy. But if the Bible were written in 2012, I just might have made the cut. :-)

Just keep swimming.  ~Dory from Finding Nemo

A Pep Talk to Myself

Got my third triathlon tomorrow. It's a 'super sprint'. Yeah, whatever. ;)  There's a 300m swim (in a pool, glory hallelujah!), 11 mile bike and 3 mile run.

I would happily, HAPPILY, move a couple of running miles or 100m of swimming over to the bike portion.  Now here's a perfect triathlon for me: 100m swim, 25 mile bike, 2 mile run. See? Perfection. No one else seems to see it that way. Hmmph.

I have to choose my triathlons based on the swim. When people ask, "What triathlon are you training for?" I answer, "The one with the shortest swim." But I'm getting better peeps, slowly but surely, I'm getting better. I only have to stop once now on my way down Barton Springs and once on my way back. It was not so long ago that I stopped three or four times each way. I think I can tread water for a full 15 seconds too without begging for Christ's second coming.

Most of my triathlon training energy has been spent on learning how to swim and overcoming my phobias anxiety in the open water. This means that my running, the thing I've done with the most consistency the last few years, has had to take a back seat (think: back seat of a Greyhound bus). Second to swimming has been learning how to bike with clips and gears and the "big ring" and "small ring" and all that sort of complicated stuff.  Complicated or not, if I knew how much I'd enjoy cycling, I'd have started a long time ago. Not that I'm so terribly speedy, but that's fun stuff. Heck, if I knew how much I'd enjoy all of triathlon training, I'd have started that a long time ago too.

I read an article about Phelps recently and in regards to the 4x200 relay, in which the American team won gold, he said, "It shows that hard work pays off." Okay, I'm a nobody learning how to swim, but he's darn right. So simple. So difficult. Whether it's for the Olympics or just a suburban mom learning how to swim, the same principle applies: consistent and persistent work will get results. Hard work is the "magic bullet" for which so many people quick answers.


It's easy to want to hop around to every boot camp, TZPQX workout and barre-pole-dance thingy hoping that I'll see instant results and sudden prowess in the water (and/or on the bike). Honestly, it can be frustrating to see people gliding up and down Barton Springs while I can't. I was sorta-kinda hoping I'd be further along by now. I have to remind myself that my best bet for getting better is to really stick with my goal -- and give it some time. Centimeter by centimeter, my swimming is improving. Mile by mile, my cycling is improving. 


Didja know that bronze medalists tend to be happier than silver medalists? I looked it up on a hunch after watching the Olympics, and lo and behold, it's been documented. Apparently, bronze medalists are just happy to have won a medal at all. They had to have worked their tail off, and they felt satisfied about their results. Still in the record books. Third in just the, you know... whole world. Wouldn't you be happy? I hope I would.

Viktoria Komova after winning silver (source)

Reese Hoffa after winning bronze (source)

You and I are probably not going to win a gold medal nor a triathlon (if you do, message me, because we need to be better friends ;)).  But I'd like to have the attitude of a bronze medalist tomorrow and in everything I do. (Not that I'm coming in third in the triathlon tomorrow. That would be plain silly.) I've done the math, and here's the equation:

 hard work  

+  grateful attitude 

=  a happy outcome 

Bronze medalists sleep better at night. I'm sure of it. On that note, I should go to bed soon. It's rise and shine at 4:45a.m.  :-)


No one has ever become poor by giving. ~ Anne Frank

Doing Things I Cannot Do

Barton Springs last week

Learning to swim these past 3 months has been difficult enough for this not-so-much lover of water. And open water swims? That's a whole new level of terrify. All I can think about as I stand on a lake shore is how there is no escape route. I can walk anytime when I'm tired of running, and I can slow my cadence if a hill is killing me on the bike. But I will D-I-E (perish, I tell ya') a horrible death if I get too tired of swimming. I'm a little addicted to living, I really am, and I have no desire to die in that horribly claustrophobic way. I'd rather fall out of an airplane and splat on concrete.

So, here I am, with a solid resume of 42 years of water phobia under my belt, still plugging along at TRIathlon training. Why, you ask? I'm not so terribly sure, except to say that I believe that I should. Nobody would fault me if I gave up swimming tomorrow, and I know that. You'd all understand. We all have insecurities, anxieties, and even phobias, and we should give each other grace for them. 

A funny thing happened on the way to my first marathon, though. I became bolder. With each difficult thing I did, I was emboldened to do more difficult things. The physical gave way to the spiritual. As I strengthened my body the Spirit strengthened within me. I have always said that I would never do triathlons because of that darn swim part. So after the marathon, guess what I decided to do?

With this new emboldened feeling, I wish I could report to you my massive successes in open water swimming. Um, no. I'm inching towards getting better, but I still tense up completely. I can't make it 50m in open water without holding on to a swim can and breathing like Godzilla was on my tail. I seriously need some sort of hypno-psycho-behavioral-therapy. Anybody got suggestions?

Last week, I started back to open water swimming (at Barton Springs) after a 2 1/2 week absence. I stood in the shallow water for what seemed like hours, talking myself into diving in. Oh my goodness, it was not easy for me to start up again. I'm sure the lifeguards had some sort of walkie-talkie "code-yellow" action on my bright pink swim cap standing there. "Swimming poser with a look of terror detected in yonder pink cap. Keep your eyes peeled for her," is what I imagine them to say.

And like in marathon training, I told myself, "Ain't nobody gonna swim this for you. YOU. Have. Got to do this." (Seriously, that's exactly what I tell myself. The bad grammar double-negative stuff just gets it through my brain more quickly.)

So, I dived in and took MY leap of faith.  So what if I stopped every 10m to hold on to that God's gift of a side-bar? I dived. ;)

The long-awaited rains have fallen hard upon the thirsty ground
and carved their way to where the wild and rushing river can be found
And like the rains I have been carried here to where the river flows, yeah
My heart is racin' and my knees are weak as I walk to the edge
I know there is no turning back once my feet have left the ledge
And in the rush I hear a voice, it's telling me it's time to
Take the leap of faith
So here I go

I'm diving in
I'm going deep
In over my head I wanna be
Caught in the rush
Lost in the flow
In over my head I wanna go
The river's deep
The river's wide
The river's water is alive
So sink or swim
I'm diving in
I'm diving in

There is a supernatural power in this mighty river's flow
It can bring the dead to life, and it can fill an empty soul
And give a heart the only thing worth livin' and worth dyin' for, yeah
But we will never know the awesome power of the grace of God
Until we let ourselves get swept away into this holy flood
So if you'll take my hand, we'll close our eyes and count to three
And take the leap of faith
Come on let's go


("Dive" by Steven Curtis Chapman)


I'ma going in. See you in that crazy water. 


How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?  ~ Satchel Paige

Bucket List (Part I)

Notre Dame: crossed off my list last March

I've been keeping a small, mental "bucket list" before I even knew what to call it. Childhood history nerd that I was, most of the items I added to my early list were historical things to see, like:  Pompeii, the treasures of King Tut's tomb, and Ford's Theater (check, check, and check). As I've grown older, the list has expanded to all sorts of categories - fitness, spiritual, vocational, mental, etc. Although my list has grown, changed, and matured, my love of keeping a bucket list is still going strong.

If you're into creating bucket lists, I've come across some interesting blogs and websites on the topic that you might want to check out. This bucket list blogger gives helpful tips on starting your own list. I think 'thinking outside the box' is my favorite piece of advice. And mah voyeuristic self loves looking over his own list, too. Here's a website where you can publish your list if you want accountability, don't care to blog it, and want to have 3 million of your closest friends to cheer you on. The bucket list of this 16 year old girl with terminal cancer wins the "Most Deserving" award, and I'm inspired by some of the quirky prospects this guy has on his list. (Playing in the Rock, Paper, Scissors championships? How fun is that?!)

Here are some things *I* try to keep in mind when I'm making my list:

1.) Keep it active. My list is never meant to be definitive or complete. It's okay to add, erase, and alter. Life changes, goals change, and goodness knows I change. Go with the floooooow.

2.) Make the list my friend. This is not school, and I never want to let it get me down. If I never accomplish or become some of the items on my list, that's okaaaaay. Good gravy, it's better to make a list and work towards something than to never make a list at all. I need to remind myself of that.

3.) Make it ME. Wow, this is a big one. I don't care to skydive. Even though I think I read this on a million people's lists, it's just not one of my goals.  So be inspired, but don't not be you. Oh, and don't use double negatives. 

4.) Let it scare me. I purposefully choose a couple things that rattle my core. You know those things that seem crazy, but you deeply and secretly long to do?  I list 'em. Yeah, perhaps that's not just me nudging my oh-so-awesome micro-fine gel pen towards them in my handy-dandy-Moleskine.

5.) Search all aspects of life. I love to travel, but there are far, far more things to add to my list than just travel. I try to think of at 3 things to list from various areas of my life. It rounds me out.

6.) Never let age define the list. I'm trying to learn things at 42 (hello, swimming and cycling) that many learn at earlier ages. I try to push age aside and forge ahead on goals. As Mark Twain says, "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Amen. 

And, without further ado, here's the first installation of bucket list items I've been writing in my (beloved) Moleskine. (So sorry, did I just mention Moleskine again? ;-)) I'm not numbering them, because there is no set number and there never will be.

- Swim 800m in open water (without holding on to anything, I guess I should add) - I have the buoyancy of a lead anvil and a deep-seated fear of putting my head under water and not touching ground. (I love the ground, you see. It makes me very happy. Freud would have a heyday.) You guys who can swim forever absolutely amaze me. This is, honestly, the bucket list item that I most fear will never happen. "Fear" is the operative word in every respect of this list item.

- Go to the Olympics - I'd prefer summer (because track and field is my love, go Usain and Kara Goucher), but I'd take watching the winter Olympics in person in a heartbeat. This has been a dream for decades.


- Get a tattoo. Sho' did -- last week! And if another person tells me I don't seem like the type to get a tattoo, I'll get a third. (Oops, Mom, did you see that? I actually have two. I know you still love me. :-))


- Work in the fitness industry. I don't know how, and I don't know where.  It's just something I know I love participating in, and I'd enjoy helping others gain strength and confidence through exercise.


- Hand-make every Christmas gift - This isn't so much about about frugality as it is about putting my heart and time into every gift. I'm not on a good trajectory for finishing that by this Christmas. Lord willing, I'll have more Christmases to try.

- Blog more - You know you enjoy something if it doesn't matter whether anyone knows about it or not. Writing is that way for me. (Go, introverts. :-)) I simply enjoy it, and I'm fulfilled by it.

So, there you have it. What are some of your bucket list items? I'd love to know!





Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.   ~ Mark Twain