Grateful Mondays

5 things I'm grateful for today:

1.) That I still have my grandmother (Mamaw) with me.  

2.) The two rocking chairs on my front porch.  

3.) Summer fruit. 

4.) This book. C.S. Lewis was right -- It's really good.

5.) My beautiful, fat, affectionate cat. 

Did you know that the practice of gratitude makes you happier and healthier? It's by design. What are you grateful for today?

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever. ~ Psalm 107:1

A Million Pieces of Me

I'm reading Kisses From Katie to my kids right now. It's a book that's simple, easy to read, but profound in a jolt-you-out-of-your-world kind of way. I enjoy reading it to them, but I find myself having to stop and stifle a rolling crying jag every page and a half.  That gets a tad bit annoying to the listener, and it certainly breaks the flow of the story. But if I had a dime for every time I cried inappropriately, I could get tear blocking surgery. More than a few people close to me would appreciate me getting that kind of elective surgery.

But here's the thing. I've avoided this book, although I didn't know too much about it, because I knew it would challenge me in a very uncomfortable way. Sometimes, with dimly lit eyes, I see a pin hole of what I think might be glory. It's a transcendental experience that I can't explain. And I think to myself, "Are you courageous enough to follow the light?" Can you throw off modern comforts, vanity, agenda, and be completely and utterly wrapped up in good? And then the tunnel closes and life resumes as normal.

On the other hand (In contrast? I'm not sure.), I hear messages about finding blessings in the mundane work of everyday life, and I know that's good too. Ann Voskamp has a book, One Thousand Gifts, and she wonders, 'How do we find joy in the midst of deadlines, debt, drama, and daily duties?' (I have not read the book, but I got the quote from Amazon. :-)) Is this what I need to focus on? Where am I being led? God, I'm quite literal and dense, so puh-lease s-p-e-l-l it out for me.


I don't think, like I suppose some people do : "Are you doing enough?" I feel I'm doing enough for where I am now. (In fact, every day life is cleaning my clock.) I DO think, "Are you courageous enough?" Gandhi famously said, "If Christians would really live according to the teachings of Christ, as found in the Bible, all of India would be Christian today." This. Kills. Me. For me to follow Christ takes courage more than doing. 


When I was on the side of agnosticism and didn't want to be there, I broke it down. What do I know to be true? It's certainly not houses, cars, jobs, and school. Never anything I could touch or receive worldly recognition for. Some of those things have their certain value, I suppose. What is true is loving people and loving all of God's creation. This is the nub of life. 


I am not an intuitive who sees God in every green light and crossword puzzle. (I'm not trying to be condescending; I'm telling it like it is. I would much rather be an intuitive.) God has to beat me over the head with a skillet to speak to me, I think. But when He beats, He beats hard. Kinda like this. (Always Looney Tunes ftw.) 


I stink at praying, and I stink at reading the Bible. I am most certainly not worthy to comment on the workings of God. And yet, sometimes, I wonder if it's not Him who calls the ridiculous and says, "'Yeah, you.' Silly. I'm talking to you." (Sixteen Candles,  also ftw.  He works through my movie trivia. ;))


Is God asking me to be Voskamp or Katie material?  Perhaps they're not mutually exclusive. Either way, it'll be good. So, I plug, swim, run, bike, wife (yes, it's a verb), and parent along and wait because something is there. I feel it.  


D-E-spite me, God is good. He really is, and THAT'S another thing I know to be true. 


(Didja notice each consecutive paragraph got shorter? I did. Not intentional, but kinda interesting. :))

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference. ~Elie Wiesel

Grateful Mondays

5 things I'm grateful for today:

1.) Downton Abbey. I'm slightly addicted.  

2.) My husband's job. 

3.) Rain. I love rain anyway, but after last summer's epic drought, I'm even more appreciative of the bounty. 

4.) Health. 

5.) Having a good friend like Paula to be tortured workout with.  

Did you know that the practice of gratitude makes you happier and healthier? It's by design. What are you grateful for today?

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever. ~ Psalm 107:1

Grateful Mondays

5 things I'm grateful for today:

1.) Temple Grandin. I've been on a movie kick lately and that's one good movie. 

2.) My funny, quirky, sweet, deaf Boston Terrier.

3.) Only 54 more days until Longhorn football. \m/ 

4.) Watching my 12 year-old son work a crowd. 

5.) Hat Creek burgers. My brother's right - they're yummy. 

Did you know that the practice of gratitude makes you happier and healthier? It's by design. What are you grateful for today?

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever. ~ Psalm 107:1

You stupid idiot.

No, I'm not talking to you; I'm talking to me. Did you know these are the words I have regularly said to myself? I would never, ever say it to you, and I'd be upset if I heard you say them to someone else. But I have said them regularly to myself. Out loud. It doesn't take much, either. Just a run over the curb or a spill of my drink, and that's what I've said without hesitation.

Usually the person I'm ugliest to is ME. At least 90% of the time. (Okay, my family might find that statistic hard to believe, but they're going to have to trust me. :))

The irony is that I absolutely can't stand to see people bullied or oppressed. My kids know that I will go bat kaka crazy on them if I get a whiff of that kind of behavior going on. Love God, love sushi, be kind to ALL of God's creation -- that's what I desire for them.

But when I've said ugly, disparaging things to myself?  Somehow that didn't count. Why not? There have been countless nights when I've laid my head down and asked for a day's worth of forgiveness, and I've not even considered the nasty things I've said to myself. Along with that, I've neglected to teach my children to be kind to themselves. I just flat out believed I deserved the terrible things I said to myself, and that's how it went.

Where I got this from, I have no idea.  But I'm not writing this post to beat myself up, because that would be kind of ironic (and I could could sooo go there). I write it because I bet there are others out there like me who value kindness, but they don't they believe that kindness needs to be extended to themselves. It does.

I remember hearing that famous Whitney Houston song "The Greatest Love of All" and not completely buying into the lyrics because it said "learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all". No, no, no! Loving God is the greatest love of all, said my holier-than-thou 13 year old self (wait, that description is redundant). Okay, perhaps I was technically right, but God so desperately loves me (ME. Jennifer. ME.), and that's John 3:16. He wanted me to be kind to myself because He created me, and that's a good thing. I was and am no less of God's creation. Here's a truth:  I am kinder to others when I practice kindness to myself.

Parenting gives me a whole new perspective, and that must be part of the reason why God uses the analogy so often in the Bible. When I hear my kids talk badly about themselves, I grieve. Why can't they see themselves as I see them? They're precious gifts from God. Go forth and be what God made you to be, you awesome creation! But it doesn't seem to happen that easily for my kids, and then aha!, I recognize myself in them (but I'm not going to beat myself up over that either. ;)).

(source)

I've come a looong way, baby. I'm not nearly as quick to cut myself down and be the self-inflicted "mean girl" as I used to be. Knowing my worth is not a haughty vice - it's believing I am who God says I am, and that's only a good thing.  So, I've made a promise to be nicer to myself. Will you do me a favor and be nicer to yourself too? It helps the world go 'round -- in a good way. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that both God and I think you're kind of a big, wonderful deal. :)


Comparison is the thief of joy. ~Theodore Roosevelt

Doing Things I Cannot Do

Barton Springs last week

Learning to swim these past 3 months has been difficult enough for this not-so-much lover of water. And open water swims? That's a whole new level of terrify. All I can think about as I stand on a lake shore is how there is no escape route. I can walk anytime when I'm tired of running, and I can slow my cadence if a hill is killing me on the bike. But I will D-I-E (perish, I tell ya') a horrible death if I get too tired of swimming. I'm a little addicted to living, I really am, and I have no desire to die in that horribly claustrophobic way. I'd rather fall out of an airplane and splat on concrete.

So, here I am, with a solid resume of 42 years of water phobia under my belt, still plugging along at TRIathlon training. Why, you ask? I'm not so terribly sure, except to say that I believe that I should. Nobody would fault me if I gave up swimming tomorrow, and I know that. You'd all understand. We all have insecurities, anxieties, and even phobias, and we should give each other grace for them. 

A funny thing happened on the way to my first marathon, though. I became bolder. With each difficult thing I did, I was emboldened to do more difficult things. The physical gave way to the spiritual. As I strengthened my body the Spirit strengthened within me. I have always said that I would never do triathlons because of that darn swim part. So after the marathon, guess what I decided to do?

With this new emboldened feeling, I wish I could report to you my massive successes in open water swimming. Um, no. I'm inching towards getting better, but I still tense up completely. I can't make it 50m in open water without holding on to a swim can and breathing like Godzilla was on my tail. I seriously need some sort of hypno-psycho-behavioral-therapy. Anybody got suggestions?

Last week, I started back to open water swimming (at Barton Springs) after a 2 1/2 week absence. I stood in the shallow water for what seemed like hours, talking myself into diving in. Oh my goodness, it was not easy for me to start up again. I'm sure the lifeguards had some sort of walkie-talkie "code-yellow" action on my bright pink swim cap standing there. "Swimming poser with a look of terror detected in yonder pink cap. Keep your eyes peeled for her," is what I imagine them to say.

And like in marathon training, I told myself, "Ain't nobody gonna swim this for you. YOU. Have. Got to do this." (Seriously, that's exactly what I tell myself. The bad grammar double-negative stuff just gets it through my brain more quickly.)

So, I dived in and took MY leap of faith.  So what if I stopped every 10m to hold on to that God's gift of a side-bar? I dived. ;)

The long-awaited rains have fallen hard upon the thirsty ground
and carved their way to where the wild and rushing river can be found
And like the rains I have been carried here to where the river flows, yeah
My heart is racin' and my knees are weak as I walk to the edge
I know there is no turning back once my feet have left the ledge
And in the rush I hear a voice, it's telling me it's time to
Take the leap of faith
So here I go

I'm diving in
I'm going deep
In over my head I wanna be
Caught in the rush
Lost in the flow
In over my head I wanna go
The river's deep
The river's wide
The river's water is alive
So sink or swim
I'm diving in
I'm diving in

There is a supernatural power in this mighty river's flow
It can bring the dead to life, and it can fill an empty soul
And give a heart the only thing worth livin' and worth dyin' for, yeah
But we will never know the awesome power of the grace of God
Until we let ourselves get swept away into this holy flood
So if you'll take my hand, we'll close our eyes and count to three
And take the leap of faith
Come on let's go


("Dive" by Steven Curtis Chapman)


I'ma going in. See you in that crazy water. 


How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?  ~ Satchel Paige

Grateful Mondays

5 things I'm grateful for today:

1.) Countryside bike rides and trail running. Being outside keeps exercise fun. 

2.) Home grown tomatoes. (Yes, I've listed this before, but I can't get enough of 'em. Seriously, I'm going to turn red. Watch this, and you'll understand.:))

3.) Instagram. I have so much fun with it. 

4.) Watching the beautiful birds that feed at our front yard bird feeder. 

5.) Dara Torres.   

Did you know that the practice of gratitude makes you happier and healthier? It's by design. What are you grateful for today?

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever. ~ Psalm 107:1